


fight through the dark (and find the spark)

by raspberryghoulaid



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Bi!Reggie, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Boys In Love, Canon Gay Character, Character Study, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Found Family, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Luke is a good boyfriend, M/M, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie's Parents Are Assholes, Sunset Curve, a study of reggie through the years, chosen family, emily being a good mom, i just love emily okay, luke just loves reggie so much, pan!Luke, pre-death, reggie in eyeliner because we were robbed of it, reggie is a smol bean and i love him, reggie loves luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspberryghoulaid/pseuds/raspberryghoulaid
Summary: a look at Reggie throughout the years, and the struggles that come with growing up and finding yourself.
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters, Reggie & Alex & Luke
Comments: 14
Kudos: 186





	fight through the dark (and find the spark)

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: before you start reading this, know that there are some offensive words in here used for the purpose of storytelling and for emphasis on the references to homophobia throughout this fic, and that might be triggering to some individuals.

Reggie is a character of self-expression, and his family hates him for it. His father hits him and his mother drinks her disappointment away, and Reggie always has a collection of bruises staining his skin to match the wounds of his soul. He remembers when he was fourteen, and his father had found him in the bathroom with the eyeliner pencil he’d stolen from his mother’s bag. In that moment, Reggie had never felt more like himself, and his father, ever the protestor to his son’s individuality, had ripped the pencil from his fingers and given him a more permanent black mark around his eye. Reggie cried for hours that night, and no one had heard him, and if they did, they didn’t bother to acknowledge it.

They tried to censor him, and for a while it worked. Reggie kept out of his mother’s makeup bag and stamped down the jealousy he felt whenever he saw the girls at his school flaunt their new piercings. He wanted to be the good kid for his mom and dad, and maybe just then, they’d be proud of him. That they’d _love_ him.

Then, when he was fifteen, Reggie met Luke, and Luke wasn everything Reggie wanted to be. The other boy had completely captivated him and stolen his heart, and all of a sudden Reggie didn’t care about being the kid his parents wanted him to be. On his sixteenth birthday, a year into their friendship, Luke bought him a leather jacket after Reggie had eyed it in a second hand shop, and Reggie almost cried. He never took it off, and if it was too hot he burned underneath that damn jacket to the point where it became not just a scrap of well-worn leather but a _part_ of him. He spent more nights at Luke’s house then he did his own, and when one day he slipped up and called Emily _mom_ instead of _Mrs. Patterson_ , she’d just smiled and assured him he could call her whatever he liked. It became his home.

Sometime in the midst of surviving through highschool and suppressing his growing crush on Luke, Reggie met Alex and he became the piece of their puzzle they never knew they needed. Everything felt right when it was the three of them, and for the first time in his life Reggie felt a part of something. They became not only a band of best friends but an actual _band_ , the three of them putting their heads together and forming _Sunset Curve_. Playing music made Reggie feel alive, and he was slowly and surely becoming the person he’d always wanted to be.

 _Do you want me to paint your nails?_ Luke had asked him once, while he was staying over the other boy’s house. Luke's own had been painted for a while, and Reggie caught himself glancing at them more often then he dared to admit. The other boys in his grade had talked about it when they thought he couldn’t hear, throwing around slurs like _fag_ , or _tranny_ , and it made his skin bristle. He liked Luke’s blue polish, and he liked Luke’s candid attitude about it even more. Luke Patterson was the kind of person who didn’t care what anyone else thought about him, and it only made Reggie love him more. So of course, when Luke had offered to paint his nails, Reggie had been quick to say _yes, please_. His bandmate’s work was sloppy at best, the polish running off of his nail and onto the skin of his fingers in certain places, but Reggie couldn’t be more happy with the result. His fingernails now painted the darkest of blacks, he displayed them proudly alongside Luke’s.

When he was seventeen he dared to ask Alex to come with him into the cosmetics department of Macy’s, his gaze lingering over a selection of eyeliner pencils on the counter. Alex didn’t question it, only commenting on the ones he thought would look good and which ones Reggie should pass on. When a salesperson came over to help them, Reggie tensed, preparing himself for the worst, but was surprised to find the girl smiling at him, encouraging him to try it on and even offering a mirror. If he didn’t want to ruin the eyeliner, he would’ve cried.

Two days later, he found himself in the bathroom at Luke’s house before a big show, his hands shaking as he uncapped the pencil and brought it to his face. As he applied the liner, however, he began to feel more at ease and a smile pulled at his lips. This was _him_. Luke walked in halfway through, a stunned look on his face, and at first Reggie had contemplated reaching for a tissue and rubbing it all off, until Luke’s wide eyes morphed into a grin, the other boy coming up behind him. “Dude, you look so hot.” Luke told him, wrapping his arms around Reggie’s middle and perching his chin on his shoulder. “Keep going, I want to watch.”

Reggie’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as Luke watched him in the mirror, regarding Reggie in what could only be described as absolute awe. Reggie almost melted into a puddle right then and there, seeing the boy he loved so reverently look at him and touch him like he did. “You’re gonna blow ‘em away tonight, baby.” Luke murmured into his shoulder when Reggie was done, capping the pen and slipping it into the pocket of his jacket. He opened his mouth to reply, but the moment was cut short by Emily calling Luke from the other room, and then Luke was gone. The feeling of his arms around Reggie’s body and his warm breath against his collarbone remained, however, and Reggie knew he was far too deep in his pit of pining to climb out of.

Their first gig went amazingly. People had _actually_ come to see them, people who genuinely liked them and their music. The stage was undoubtedly where they were all meant to be, Reggie realized that now. The hot lights against his skin and the adrenaline in his veins when he played music was a high he never wanted to come down from, and looking at Alex and Luke he could tell automatically that they felt the same way.

“We are _awesome_ , you guys,” Luke slung his arm around Reggie sometime during the afterparty, clapping Alex on the shoulder lightheartedly. “Sunset Curve is going places, I’m telling you.” Alex had rolled his eyes at this, but even Reggie could tell the blonde boy was secretly buzzing with excitement like the rest of them. When he excused himself to go get a drink, Luke’s arm dropped to Reggie’s waist, pulling the dark-haired boy closer. “You look really good tonight, baby.” It was the second time tonight Luke had used the nickname on him, and it sent a blush to Reggie’s cheeks.

“You’re a tease, Luke Patterson.” Reggie had brushed it off, laughing. Except Luke reached up to cradle his neck, fingers tangling into Reggie’s ebony locks, and it didn’t really seem like a joke anymore. Reggie’s face froze.

“Reg?”

“Yea?”

“Can I kiss you?” Luke was gazing at him intently now, his eyes traveling Reggie’s expression until landing on his lips. Reggie, starstruck, just nodded weakly, and Luke wasted no time in closing the distance between them. They kissed until Reggie’s lips felt swollen and his knees threatened to give out on him, until Alex came back with drinks, shaking his head at the pair of them but smiling all the same.

They kissed a lot more after that night, and time and time again Reggie caught himself thinking about how utterly _fuming_ his family would be if they found out. If they knew about the stolen kisses, the hand holding, or the nights spent up wrapped up in Luke’s embrace, skin on skin and heart to heart. His father would call him the names the boys at school called Luke, give him another set of bruises to cover up in the Patterson’s bathroom before school each morning so his teachers didn’t ask questions. Sometimes he cried, his body trembling and his breath getting caught in his throat, and Luke would be there to hold him through it. The other boy would whisper affirmations into his ear and rub circles into his back to bring him back down, to ground him. He’d apologize to Luke, tell him he was sorry for being such a burden, and Luke would always frown at him, telling him sternly _you are not a burden, Reg, and I don’t want you to ever think that you are, okay? I love you so much, baby._

Reggie would tell Luke he loved him back, because he could never imagine loving anyone else _but_ Luke, and the other boy wouldn’t let go of him for the rest of the night. In the morning, they’d wake up a sweaty, tangled mess, and Luke would kiss his forehead and ask him if he wanted to take a shower before heading down to breakfast (the answer was always yes). If Emily ever put the pieces together, which, the way they acted around each other it’d be hard not to, she never said anything. Reggie always had a plate waiting for him at breakfast and a glass of orange juiced handed to him, and Emily would smile and squeeze his shoulder before taking her seat.

He didn’t feel the need to come out right away, or label himself or his relationship, and neither did Luke. They just always were, two souls constantly orbiting each other with no intentions of ever separating. They were always together; Alex had called them _sickeningly infatuated with each other_ , and even Luke hadn’t had a comeback for that one. Furthermore, Reggie didn’t blink twice when the term _boyfriend_ had first passed Luke’s lips during lunch one day at school, nor did he notice the deprecating stares they were getting from the tables surrounding them. After Alex had come out as gay, nobody else had seemed to want to even acknowledge the three of them, and most days Reggie felt like he was walking around with a target on his back-other days he just didn’t care.

Sometime after his seventeenth birthday, Reggie stopped caring entirely. He transitioned from wearing eyeliner exclusively for shows to wearing almost daily now, and his nails seldom ever went unpolished. He wore his leather jacket like a token of defiance to conformity and held hands with his boyfriend in public despite the harassment they received because of it. He didn’t bother hiding his relationship from his parents anymore, even when his dad had threatened to kick him out on the street. _Go ahead, I don’t want to be here anymore anyways,_ Reggie had retaliated, standing his ground.

Reggie was done hiding himself for the sake of his parents, for the sake of the boys who pushed him into lockers at school or the people who spat insults at him when he passed them on the street for no other reason than he was _different_. For the first time in life, Reggie _liked_ being different. He liked making music with his best friends, his chosen family. He liked wearing makeup and kissing his boyfriend and reading up on the term _bisexual_ on Emily’s computer. Most importantly, Reggie liked feeling whole, and he would gladly endure the wrath of the world if it meant he could stay that way forever.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i hope you guys enjoyed this work; Reggie is definitely my comfort character and we don't nearly have enough backstory on him so i wanted to create some of my own :) some things i wanted to point out: i do believe that Luke and Alex were exes, but for the sake of this fic it just wouldn't work. also, i didn't intentionally try to write Bobby out but his character didn't really have a role in this fic, as Alex, Luke, and Reggie were always the closer three out of the band and each other's main support systems.


End file.
